Marital Woes

Most of my friends, be they schoolmates, college mates or colleagues, are married. Majority have at least one child. I'm happy for them. I enjoy listening to their stories -- the tales of their children's tantrums, mischiefs, personalities and many more. Most often than not, they brought laughs into an otherwise dreary day in office.

In marriage, like any partnership, there's bound to be an occasional friction. So I've also heard my share of marital woes. Most are short term quarrels but once a while, I hear disturbing woes. Unfaithfulness or hints of unfaithfulness in the marriage is one that is popping up more frequent than before.

A male friend once confided that an unmarried female acquaintance of his kept calling him for advise. I could see from the way he talked that he was not happy with his marriage and is thinking of a possible relationship with this female acquaintance if he is able to support two families. Unfortunately or fortunately for him, his financial condition did not improve drastically and the female soon married another. Another friend once confessed that her marriage was in trouble - her husband had approached her about taking a second wife. Hua, my friend was so angry. Fortunately she if confident of her self worth and gave her two cents worth to her husband and an ultimatum. The husband took some time to consider and last I heard, the husband chose her. Soon after they had their second child. I hope things worked out for her.

Another acquaintance divorced her husband because he got his girlfriend pregnant. The acquaintance is now happily married to another. Another friend's husband left her for a younger woman after more than a decade of marriage. Eventually, the husband realized his mistake and came back to her with tail between his legs. Whether she's fortunate or not, remains to be seen.

What have I learned from my observations? I've learned that it pays to pay attention to one's spouse. You have to pay attention to your spouse's friends, environment, etc because it's a big world out there and there will always be temptations. I'm not saying that he will definitely stray but it's best to put in preventions first. And it pays to listen to your spouse. Don't you notice how a partner will listen attentively during the dating game? Each of us love it when someone pays attention to us and listen to us. After a year or two of marriage, it may be the same old same old complaints, etc but we still need someone to listen to our daily grouses. Each of us needs someone with whom we could communicate and share our feelings. Always treat your spouse as you would like to be treated.

I think a partner strays because of 1) temptation 2) communication broke down in the partnership

Prevent those two and hopefully your marriage will stay strong. This is the advise from an unmarried female who had made a habit of observing married couples for the past few years.