Woman and Faith

I received a beautiful email today. This, in my words, is the short version of the email:

God created woman from a man's rib. Woman, like a rib, protects man's heart. Woman will bear pain and aches before she allows man's heart to be hurt. God took a rib from man's side to form woman. God did not take from man's sole so that woman will not be under man. God did not take from man's head so that woman will be above man. Instead, God took from man's side so that woman may walk beside man. With a woman by his side, a man is complete.

God created each woman for a purpose.

Ours not to reason why but to keep faith and hold on.

Whatever our circumstances they will pass.

Giving Back

Today I met an elderly man who shared stories about "giving back to society".

As an Indian, he believes that when he sleeps, he enters "mini dead". Each morning, he is reborn to do his best and to do good.

Many years ago he and a group of friends decided to team up and aid the poor and the hapless. Once a month they'd purchase food and distribute to the orang asli in kampungs. It was agreed among them that they would not donate money. Based on their collective experience, they realized that money given to a family may not be used wisely. Money in a drunkard's hand will be used to fuel his intoxication. In the hands of a drug addict ...

He and his friends are professionals - doctors, lawyers, etc. Occassionally, during the course of their work, one of them will encounter someone who is down on his luck or someone in need of financial aid. The person's plight would be brought to the attention of the others and collectively they would agree on method to aid the person. The doctor friend would offer to provide free medical treatment. A lawyer friend may offer to provide free legal counsel or arbitration work.

You would think that their efforts would be appreciated and lauded. However in recent time they had been told not to provide direct assistance to the orang asli because a department's or party's fear of proselytising, etc. He and his friends are not willing to provide indirect assistance because they worry that their aid will not reach the intended people.

He had volunteered his expertise and time, free of charge, to humanitarian society such as Red Cross.

I admire his passion to help and to do good. I am ashamed that I have not taken much initiatives except to sponsor a child through world vision and donate the occasional dollar for relief funds. Each day God gives me 24-hour to do good; to show others the glory of my God. And how have I filled the hours and days? How have you filled you hours and days? No doubt we must prioritise our work and family but what of our community? If our community fails will it not affect our family?

Historic

Ah...a historical day in my short life. 12.10.11. A momentous decision made. The near future may be brighter or ....alas, dimmer. Only time will tell and only God now knows.

I've learned that sometimes we have to decide to quit. To continue or to quit is a decision. By not making a decision, we're not helping ourselves. Today, I made the decision to:

- live, not just exist

- not conform to norm if it does not serve my state of mind

Quiting is not a failure. It's all about perspective. To quit takes courage. It takes courage to move in opposite direction. To quit is to be free from a situation that is no longer tolerable. It takes a lot of courage and hope to follow a dream. Do not prolong unnecessary suffering. It's not beneficial to either parties involved.

Another perspective is equating quiting with no persistence, willfulness and strength.

I'd rather dwell on the former.

Famous for wrong reasons

Nope, didn't win. None of the numbers came out. Sigh. Perhaps next time.

Saw in news that Amy Winehouse is dead. She was 27. How sad. It was obvious she was a troubled soul --- there had been news of her addiction, break-ups, etc ever since she became famous. Some are more fortunate. Look at Robert Downey Jr. He was famous for his addictions and he ended up in prison. Thankfully his stint in prison changed him for the better. Not everyone who came out from prison is a changed man. So, hurrah for RDJ. Another celebrity in the limelight for all the wrong reasons - Lindsay Lohan. Her court sessions and her addictions is making her more famous than she ever was for her movies. So young...hope she will be able to turn around.

Strike a lottery (in my dream)

I did it.

I went into a TOTO shop and bought a number. Actually, a set of number. 7 numbers to be exact, each ranging from 1 to 52. Am sure many would know what this is but I don't have a name for it. Is it 6D? If 6D why are there 7 numbers?

I went out on Saturday morning for a brunch with a girlfriend. She parked her car right in front of the TOTO shop. What a coincidence?, I thought.

You see, for the past few weeks, I've been struggling with ideas changing my career. I use the word struggle literally. It's like my mind is being pulled two ways - one to leave my current career and the other to remain in this career. But at my age, will there be any more opportunities in a new career? So it all comes down to age and financial stability. I need work to earn a salary to secure home, food and clothes. I figure if I strike a lottery I could resign and live on that win for awhile whilst I figure, or rather try to figure, out what it is I need in this life.

Suicide

Ever had thoughts on suicide? Be difficult not to. In this damaged and fallen world, there are many who had given up and escaped through death. They are on the news, in the internet, talked of and discussed of.
Yes, in moments of pain, when we are overwhelmed by our circumstances, when bills inundated our days, when worries enveloped us and fear shadow every waking hours --- yes, death seems a bliss because many think death is an eternal sleep.
But the bible teach us that there is heaven and hell. To take a life is a sin. Do you want eternal hell or a period (short period in comparison to eternity) of pain? The bible teach us that hell is a terrible horrible place to spend even a moment what more an eternity (shudder).
No matter your circumstances, the sun is just behind that cloud. Soon the cloud will move and the sun will shine again, bright and warm. Just hang on. Go to our God in prayers and seek solace in His words.

Our God is good

Our God is a good god.
He neither slumbers nor sleeps.
He is Emmanuel; God with us.
He is Elohim; sovereign God.

How could we possibly comprehend
The depth of His love
He who sent His only son
To die for our sins
That we may be cleansed from sins.

Our God is a good god
He is steadfast in His love
He if faithful to keep His promises

Our God is a good god
He is merciful and just
His will will never bring us
Where His grace can not keep us

Our God is good
Hallelujah

Easter

Blessed Easter to y'all.

Isn't it wonderful? Our saviour has conquered death. He promised not death but eternal life. It is done.

Worst blog

O my head.

I only managed to sleep for a mere 2 hours yesterday. I woke up at 1.00 a.m. and struggled to fall asleep again. I turned left, turned right, wriggle my toes and finally gave up. With my pillows and blanket, I trodded downstairs. Turned on the TV and made myself comfortable on the sofa. And the crazy thing was while I watched the TV, I would frequently doze off and awakened again. This happened many times until I finally turned off the TV, closed my eyes and ..... wait for it .... could not sleep! Argh. By now, it was 3.00 a.m. I decided to return to my bed. No such luck.

In the morning, I wasn't surprised that I looked wan with black bruises under my eyes. So, after 18 hours of non-sleep, except for a few minutes of dozing, my head is aching. I'm frustrated. And so, I blog.

This has got to be my worst blog.

Thankfulness

I am thankful for:

my family who supports and encourages me

my family's good health

a home to call our own; it shelters us from the hot sun, the rain and the bugs

cars that we may drive ourselves to our destinations

work that we may earn our wages

my bed; it's so comfortable that it's difficult to leave it each morning

my clothes to cover my nakedness

my shoes to protect my soles

friends with whom we laugh and whine and talk and sing

church where I may be reminded of God's greatness, grace, love and might

nation that allows me to freely go to church and worship

tv that entertains me when I am down or lonely

books in which I find hours of pleasure

internet in which I find hours of entertainment or information

Thank you God.

CNY

Ah...Lunar New Year.

And it's raining. So unlike past years. More indications of climate change.

Notwithstanding the protests in Egypt (and eventual removal of President Hosni Mubarak), this Lunar New Year @ Rabbit year had been fun. In the last 11 days, we've had two big family meals. This year, the meals were extended to the "in-laws". Days and hours of preparation work but those efforts were paid off when everyone enjoyed the meals. However, even more important was the bonding and interactions between the older and younger generation. That's why we call it family reunion. Re-connecting those from near and far. We played a game of charade with hilarious results. Team Becca won.

Another good thing about the holidays --- an uncongested city. Majority had left to return to their hometowns. My pastor said it was such a good feeling to be able to drive from one end to another end of the city within 10 minutes. Ah.....those four days were blissful.

Gong Xi Fatt Cai.

May this new year brings prosperity and harmony to all.

Winter in Europe

Was in Europe recently; right smack in winter. The days were gloomy. No sun. Although I was there for only a short time, the "no sun" thing got to me. Grey skies made everything grey. If not for the brightly painted buildings - yellow, pastel blue, coral, etc - I would have been downright depressed. I had a good laugh when I first landed --- my hair was sticking out everywhere --- low humidity created statics.

Now that I am back home, I am more grateful of sunny skies in my country. There are days it rained cats and dogs but the sun would come out and smile on us sooner rather than later. God bless my country.

Circle of Life

My parents have watched me grow from a tot to an adult, care for me, worry over me, guide me, paid for my education, clothed me and through all those times, love me unconditionally.

Now, in their elder years, the wheel has turned. Now, I watched over them, worry over them, try my best to care for them and through all these my love for them grows. As a child and young adult, I never really appreciated my parents. Never acknowledged their sacrifices. Never apologized for the heartaches I caused. Never realized many things. Now I know better.

I can only hope my children will learn the same.

Life is short

Got sad news today from an ex-colleague. His father has cancer and is weakening.

My heart dropped. I could literally feel his pain. He did not say it in so many words but I could hear it from his voice and the words he chose to use. Whoever said men do not have feelings obviously have not been around many men. There are those who feel, and chose not to show those feelings. Maybe they think it's unmanly to express their grieves openly. But whatever their reasons, they do feel the sorrow. They do grieve, on the inside. They do ache.

My friend is not one to openly show his feelings. I wanted to give him a comforting hug but somehow it did not seem appropriate because he is obviously unused to such open gestures. He might freak out. So I did what I thought best. I listened to him. I let him talk. And finally, me being a typical female with very female emotions (who cries at sad movies and sad stories), I said it was ok to cry, if he ever feels the need to cry. I just had to say that. To tell him that it's ok to be sad. We are and will never ready to see our parent helpless or to let one go, no matter our age, no matter how far apart we are, no matter how many children we have. But it is the circle of life. All we could hope for is a life well lived; a life full of laughs, loving family, circle of good friends, and good food (that's me!).

So to all of us: Enjoy life. Hakuna matata.

Does he loves you like he loves me?
When he sees daisies, does he remembers me?
When he smells a scent, does he remembers mine?
When he's with you, does he thinks of me, sometimes?

When he hears that special song, does he thinks of us?
When he goes to that special place, do memories make him smile?

Does he shares his dreams with you, like he did with me?
Does he sometimes shares his worries with you, like he sometimes did with me?
Does he lets you see his fears and tears?
Does he opens up to you, like he did with me?

Does he holds you tight every night?
And hugs you tight before he leaves every morning?
Do you miss him before the hour's gone?
Does he calls you in the middle of the day, just to hear your voice?

Do you wait up for him, like I did for him?
Do you wait by the phone, waiting for his call, when he is late?
Do you sit by him, just sit by him, just to listen to his voice?
Do you caress his face, like I used to do?

Will you stand by him through trials and storms?
Will you hold his hand when his fortunes turn?
Will you still love him when his youth is gone?

Do you hurt when he is tired?
Ache when he is sad?
Do you pray for his soul, every morning and night?
Do you love him, really love him, like I do?

Does he loves you like he loved me?

Downtime, favourite time

Time flies. Not like a butterfly. More like a speeding bullet.

I know. That would be a horrible opening for a book. I am just expressing an opion. December seemed like just yesterday.

Weekends fly the fastest. I usually make it a point to have some time for myself. So, even though I have loads and loads to do, I'll make sure I carve in some downtime for myself, even if it's just an hour of being a 'potato couch' in front of tv, watching a not-so-memorable rerun. I would prefer downtime with a good book and a cup of chocholate but sometimes, I just don't have the energy to read. TV is different. I don't have to think much, just let the pictures and colours flash in front of me.

However, the pull of downtime is extremely seductive. I, often than not, find myself spening more time downtime than I could really afford. So I usually end up with mad dashes here and there and worries over uncompleted errands. Sigh. Somewhere, someone is screaming 'be more disciplined girl!'. Double sigh.

Burnt Out

Life has a way of leading us down unexpected and unplanned paths.

I've got a wonderful job, many would say a dream job. A kind superior who encourages us to go back early and have quality time with family. The organization offers good compensation and benefit package. The location of my office is not so far that it requires me to spend hours driving through traffic. I am getting comfortable with colleagues. What more can I ask?

Motivation. I find it extremely hard to motivate myself to go to work and perform my tasks. I don't feel any attachment to my work or take pride in my work. As a matter of fact, I find it hard to be enthusiastic about many things these day except when I am able to take brisk walks in parks. Why is that? Burn out. I checked some website and my symptoms are indicative of burnt out. According to website, I should leave my work environment for different career or even stop work temporarily. Hmmm....can I? Should I?

God answered me, literally

Don't be suprised when God answers you vocally.
Yes, it happened to me today.

I've been struggling with new environment for a month. Stress level was higher than expected and this caused many sleepless nights. As a results, I was not only brain tired but emotionally weary, too. I was struggling and was asking myself repeatedly whether I should continue with this new job.

I was getting only 3 to 4 hours of sleep each day. Each morning, I'll be awake around 3am and will be trying to fall asleep again without success. After weeks of similar sleepless nights, the anxiety level is high when you look at the clock and realized you had just sleep for less than 4 hours and you need to be in tip top condition to perform at work in the morning. I was forced to resort to sleeping pills but those didn't help either as I still ended up awake, though groggy, after 4 hours.

I had nowhere to turn except to God, seeking His mercy, grace and basically, I was crying out.

And today, God spoke to me through a speaker during our luncheon fellowship. He said God did not promise there will not be turmoil in our lives. He just promised He'll be there for us. God placed me here because He has plans for me. I knew that two months ago but I guess I lost sight of it in my struggle with the new work environment. He said many more but I can't remember them. I can just recall the strong conviction I experienced during the fellowship. I immediately felt calmed. I still don't know why I am here at this particular workplace but God alone knows.

So, here I am, writing this down as a testimony that God answers, sometimes literally. God is good. God is great. Jehovah shalom.

Sins

Let those without sins cast the first stone...

Lemonade

Came across this in the papers today:
" When life gives you lemon, make lemonade. "

Argh, it struck my heart. Been complaining a lot this month, about work life, adapting to new challenges, and basically feeling lonely. And those words reminded me that this is my life. Whatever and whoever are in it, will still be there no matter how much I complained and whined on them. Every minute I spent on resisting the changes and challenges is a minute gone without results.

At least I have work and am drawing a monthly salary. There are those without work and struggling every minute to survive. There are those fighting for their lives in war torn countries. Survivors in Haiti are in much much much worst situation than I am in now.

I guess I am questioning where all these are leading to. Do I work just for money to buy more material things, to secure a comfortable life in later years...? Or should I work for something which I am passionate for? Should I work for a cause I believe in?

Parents don't have luxury of choosing their career because they need to bring in $$$ every month to secure a home and education for their children. I am single and am only required to maintain my own lifestyle. I don't require much as I don't go much for branded stuffs. I am comfortable with old shoes and jeans. Although I do require acceptable presentation when out with friends and colleagues.

Am I just questioning this because I truly don't like the work or because I fear the challenges the work will force on me? If I resign and change job, am I a quitter? Before I made the decision to change job, I did promise to try my very best and gave myself a 6-month period to assess the situation. I told myself that every job will have its own unique challenges. If I can't adapt and handle new challenges, how will a change of job be any different? I may end up quiting that, too. But I believe having a passion for the work is now becoming more important for me. I don't have that much more years on me. I want my time to count. I want to help better the world. For the children. For the hapless. For the oppressed. Social worker? Don't have the skills. Perhaps should work for Unicef, WHO,etc. Hmm.... World Vision.